100 Cups of Tea

This weekend I attended a conference in Darbyshire on Trust-Building. Imam Ashafa and Pastor Wuye, form Nigeria, shared their story of reconciliation. This is mostly from their presentation, edited with artistic license (Imam in italics):

He tried to kill me. He stole my beloved. I posted a picture of his face on the stone wall of the mosque. Restless nights I plotted. Conspiring.

He took my hand. A dark latex replacement. My daily reminder of his theft. I’ve stored up my ammunition, ready to distribute the rounds on sight of his face. My church the armory.

According to the Prophet, reciprocal justice is acceptable. Eye for an eye. But the Prophet says the best Muslim is one who controls his passion at the height of anger. The ideal Muslim understands restorative justice. He views forgiveness as the peak of submission to Allah; the submission of pride and the beginning of relationship. I will ask forgiveness. I will make peace. I will take the first step.

He visits my mother as she lay dying. He travels across town with his men. Sitting by her side. I despair. I wish him dead. He prays. I pray. I know no peace.

How many times must I reach out before he takes my hand? How long must I swallow my pride? How much humility does it take to demonstrate love and build trust?

I can’t preach the love of Christ and hold hate in my heart. I’m poisoning my church. I will ask forgiveness for this bitterness and resentment I guard with moat and battle walls. Let love transform me. Let forgiveness transform me. I will reach my hand to him. I will step in his direction. Peacefully.

He is my brother. We love as brothers. We fight as brothers. We work together as brothers. The key to our relationship is that neither of us asks the other to be anything other than himself. We must be authentic. Only when we are authentic do we create a space for genuine trust to grow between us.

I respect your beliefs. I accept our differences. My pride and selfishness got in the way, but now I’m determined to build the bridge of trust. When we fight, we address it openly, honestly, thoroughly and immediately.

Trust is the ability to re-humanize others. It’s the ability to have purity of mind and see that purity in others. Trust is the ability to love unconditionally.

Christ teaches us to forgive, not seven times a day, but seven times seventy. That’s 490 daily moments of forgiveness. Forgiveness and trust walk together, hand in hand. Trust lubricates society, enabling the impossible to be possible.

I can’t expect my enemy to trust me because I bring him one cup of tea. I can’t expect him to trust me after ten. But I must continue to bring tea. Perhaps, for the 100th cup of tea I bring, he will bring the milk and sugar. And we will stir together.


The story of the Imam and the Pastor has been turned into a documentary. It's currently being used in schools throughout Europe as a tool to open a dialogue about trust-building, reconciliaiton and the potential relationships between Muslims and Christians. Learn more here...