I3: Independence as a Luxury?

Clearly, I've gotten deep into this one on my own. I started the interdependence piece without much of an agenda, but, as I've written, more ideas have surfaced in conversation and email exchanges. This is the 3rd installment. I think I will wrap it at four. But, no promises.

Despite the clear connections of the interdependence web, the problem I see is that the psychology of the divide between “have” and “have-not” is very real and immense. Furthermore, it’s no news that the world is full of very rich people and very poor people and resources aren’t likely to spread out quickly.

So what’s my perspective on joining my ideal (and what I see as the reality of the future in “interdependence”) with the reality of today? This is where it also gets to the sticky part. Where it begs me to ask questions of my own behavior. Ugh…

On my last night in Amsterdam, I ate an unbelievable meal – taking it in with the late setting sun on the outside terrace of a café on a perfect summer evening. Crusty Italian bread, spicy glass of red wine and working through a gorgeous meal starting with a beautiful antipasto and moving on to a magnificent sea bass. I finished with a kiff and cleansing espresso, completely full to the last space of my belly. This isn’t my every night, but when I have a chance, I love eating a big meal out. And this meal wrote the poetry of your best images of top travel in Europe.

Sitting in such clear luxury and privilege lent a certain hue to the dinner conversation which bounced around but spent significant time on the subject of poverty and our own perception of poverty. This tied into my thoughts on interdependence.

So let me be honest. When I think about the “have” and “have-not” lens, I’m clearly in the former. And I’m not talking like top half, or even top 10 percent. I mean like top 1%. I’m talking cosmic lottery. I’ve been blessed from birth with a beautiful family that’s materially successful. I’ve been born as a white American male, which I am reminded every day means that my life is fundamentally more open to opportunity in the world than most everyone else on the planet. I’ve been hungry and cold but I’ve never had a feeling that this would last any longer than a trip to my parents house. I’ve had a top-flight education and I’ve been encouraged to follow my passion and pursue my dreams; and its possible because I was born into a place that nurtured opportunity and supported it with ample resources. A place where people believed in possibility.

I’ve often thought of and been thankful for my material blessings, but what of this more philosophical concept: The culture of possibility? Possibility, in real terms, is the opportunity and permission for us to pursue our interests and dreams without excessive limitation. This can lead to incredible fulfillment at a spiritual, personal and collective level. The problem with possibility is that it can be self-interested to the point of self-absorption. In this scenario, I lose sight of the fact that I’m tied to my neighbor. My existence as I know it is only preserved through relationships. I can not operate alone. Still, I’ve found that many view possibility in a sense of self-interest, where an agenda of individual success is valued over that of the collective.

So we can draw into the frame the ideas of independence and interdependence. Independence and possibility are close cousins – almost bound together. It’s hard to imagine having independence without possibility or possibility without independence. I’ve been taught to hold independence as a value of the highest order. And I believe it is within the context of freedom and liberty. But I don’t think it has much value when it exists in a box. No person lives independently. We are all in relation to something. We all depend on something. Whether that is your family, your local farmer, the airline flight attendant, the director of the Opening Ceremonies in Beijing, we exist in relationship. And it’s far beyond people (though that’s where this article will drive) because we are in relationship to the air we breath, the water we drink, the food we eat, the trees we cut down, the animals we keep as pets – more relationships. More connections.

Independence is a starting point for better interdependence. On a broad scale, I believe that many of the best relationships are formed when people are independent by law but use that possibility to build healthy, productive, loving and mutually beneficial relationships. At its best, personal freedom is a possibility to sustain not only oneself, but to sustain those in the collective. Independence is the rule, but interdependence is the choice.

At least for now, I believe the West is entering an age in which its viewpoint on independence will change. An era when interdependence makes independence look luxurious. I’m not sure what this will bring. I hope that those operating with independence now, will choose to make decisions in a way that support the right of the individual and the collective in the future. Thus serving independence and interdependence.

So what do I do with this? What do I do with my beautiful, but luxurious meal in Amsterdam? I’m in relationships with people all of the time, so what’s my step? I’ll be back with you soon – but I need to sit with it some more.