Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lesson 3: Loving People When its Impossible

People are incredibly difficult. If you have lived with a family, being with the same people day in and day out, you’ve reached the height of understanding this difficulty. The ones we love the most are also those who often become the most difficult. Sometimes, its just because they know how to be difficult and want to do it. Sometimes, its because we are actually the difficult ones!

Traveling with a group of nine people over the course of two months is the closest I’ve come to having a second family. We spend almost all of our waking hours together, bouncing from meal to meal, appointment to appointment and planning, discussing and sharing life together. In many ways it’s absolutely brilliant, we see the best of one another. But there is no question, time and travel always reveals the worst in someone as well.

It’s no wonder that this is the time and place that I would reach the conclusion that people are difficult. And even more, people are difficult to get along with. And the most of all, people are difficult to love. But this is the challenge – to love people when it’s difficult. Even more – to love people when it’s impossible.

Impossible? Yes. I’m not talking about impossible in absolute terms, but in our own thinking. How many times do we construct a limit of impossibility within our relationships (“I’ll never forgive him”, “She’s just impossible to love”, “I can’t stand them”, etc)?

In the right light, it’s quite helpful to recognize something as impossible. It’s an acknowledgement of our own limits. When we’ve felt our own endpoint, we’ve reached a point of growth, in faith and in relationship.

More and more I’m welcoming the point of impossibility. When something seems impossible, it’s a challenge. Am I willing to extend myself into the void and trust? Can I step where I’ve never stepped before? Can I ask someone for help and work with them to do what I can’t do on my own?

Somehow, I find the realm of impossibility (our own self-imposed limit) somehow sits at the heart of the human experience. The most inspiring people I know have repeatedly come against the abyss of impossibility and stepped forward, only to find that somehow, their faith was received by an even greater faithfulness on the other side. I find myself increasingly motivated to take these steps.

And so it is with difficult people and difficult situations. Will I keep confined to my own limitations and act in the realm of what’s possible? Or will I instead choose to love people beyond possibility and step in faith towards the impossible?

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